Roughly ten weeks ago, George Floyd’s death shook our screens and shook our souls. It suddenly became impossible for anyone who engages with social media to avoid race related conversations. For the first time, there was a glaring beam on anyone who wasn’t engaging. Silence became deafening.

Social media can be a powerful tool; without it, the tragic news of George Floyd’s death would probably have never reached as many people as it did. As Will Smith famously said, “racism isn’t getting worse, it’s getting filmed.” Social media can be a space for community, support and connection. However, it can also be a place for overwhelming information, toxicity, anxiety, comparison and shaming. It needs to be handled with caution.

As a mixed-race life coach, I felt it was important to speak out about how to look after our mental wellbeing during these difficult times, while still fighting against racial injustice worldwide. I felt very conscious that I have a mixed audience, and that the encouragement that was needed for the black community to switch off had to be very different to the way I communicated the same message to my non-black community members. Switching off for the black community during this time was about dealing with the resurfacing trauma of seeing your people being brutally killed in that way. It was about handling what these images bring up from personal experiences of racism, and it is about not having to engage in debates around your existence. Alternatively, for many non-black people, George Floyd’s death was the beginning of their education into racism. The wellbeing conversation was around actively doing everything that is in your control, but not to the detriment of your mental wellbeing. For these individuals the focus had to be on not disengaging with the conversation but, simultaneously, knowing that if social media is increasing overwhelming feelings of anxiety, then it is time to log off. Activism can be practised by spending time reading educative books, getting involved with your local community, and by having conversations offline. Social media is not the only tool for speaking out.

Since the death of George Floyd, it seems as though tragedy after tragedy keeps filling our screens. Consequently, the importance of how we handle our wellbeing online is more prevalent than ever.

This brings me onto my first online safety tip during times of big social change. Focusing in on what you can, and cannot, control. This means actively engaging, spreading awareness, donating, supporting, using our voices, while actively recognising that we can’t single handedly bear the weight of a global pandemic. Just as we cannot bring someone back from the dead or change what has happens at the hands of racist individuals and organisations. It is about doing what you can, always, but then knowing that our shoulders simply aren’t big enough to carry the weight of the world. It’s about learning to find some kind of peace in that. I always draw a circle, inside placing what I have control over, and can be actively doing, and outside placing the things that, through no fault of my own, I can’t.

Secondly, engaging in self-care is a necessity, not a luxury. As Audre Lorde said, “caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Self-care today has been gentrified, monetised, and turned into the shameful act of ‘treating ourselves’. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a spa weekend as much of the rest of us, but self-care in its core is about preservation. It’s about not being able to pour from an empty cup, and it’s about knowing that when you put out into the fight, you have to find some way to refuel and show yourself kindness and love.

Thirdly, we need to prioritise finding, and practising, joy. And, as an invitation to be more mindful, to avoid then posting about that moment. Joy in its purest form changes when it becomes the subject of validation. But, finding daily practises where you can incorporate simple acts of joy is an essential way of validating yourself without the onus of social media. What do you know will make you feel better no matter what? Where are you at your happiest? In nature? Curled on the sofa watching Disney Plus? With your loved ones? And practising joy includes celebrating black joy. It includes reading those books, and watching those films, from marginalised artists that you have been meaning to for so long. It includes appreciation and gratitude journals. It includes telling someone you appreciate them. It’s so important, it’s preservation.

And finally, log out. For an hour a day, for a week, for a month. Real life is before our own eyes. Comparison is the thief of joy and, remember, you won’t get left behind. Read books. Stay informed. Meditate. Dance. Scream. Feel. Breathe.

Laura White is a confidence and wholeness coach, aiming to help individuals find their light through mindful and intentional practices. You can find more advice and information from Laura at her website or through her Instagram.